Season VI, Episode 1 – LA X Part I and II

Line of the night – “If it’s confidential (a 314) then how am I supposed to know if I see one…(alternate time line Sawyer)


Yeah I said it…alternate freaking timeline.

To quote Doctor Emmit L. Brown from Back to the Future II, “Assuming we succeed in our mission, this alternate 1985 will be changed back into the real 1985, instantaneously transforming around Jennifer and Einie. Jennifer and Einie will be fine, and they will have absolutely no memory of this horrible place.”

Digest that and we’ll talk later.

To the episode: Alyssa B. will be relieved to know that I DID have my fancy dancy Daniel Faraday notebook with me as I took notes at a transcriber’s pace this evening. We open with the finale of Season V, and Juliet is covered in blood trying to detonate the hydrogen bomb. It worked! The camera shot pans back to a much older Jack Shepard waking up from a day dream (hmmm) on an airplane?! He starts up a very familiar conversation with Rose and all of the sudden we hit some turbulence.

Jack – “Looks like we made it.”
Rose – “Yeah, we sure did.”
Slice – “What in the sam hell is going on here!”

Jack visits the airplane bathroom to regain his composure, and looks completely freaked out…like something is not right, and what’s that on his neck??? Jack sits back down (I can see Locke in the next row sitting next to Frogurt) and is joined by DESMOND? Desmond mentions that since they took off from Sydney he had to move because the guy next to him was snoring. Jack seems perplexed, “Do I know you from somewhere?” Desmond responds with, “Well nice to meet you ..or see you again.” (Side note – when Jack ran into Desmond in the premiere of season II, he remembered Desmond instantaneously from his time running the steps at the LA Coliseum).

Here’s the kicker – the camera goes back to the window…pans towards the clouds and we travel down expecting to see the island. Well we travel into the ocean, and instead of seeing Ed Harris and his team from the movie The Abyss, we see the old Dharma houses…a swing set…and finally a foot of the giant statue of the Egyptian goddess Tawere…all underwater? My nose just started to bleed.

Whoosh – we are in the woods and Kate is in a tree...she climbs down and the 1977 losties regroup at the Hatch (or what’s left of it). It appears that by detonating the bomb, the group was transported back to their own time (2007 at this point), and they all still on the island…including Juliet who is at the bottom of the drill boring. Sawyer kicks Jack in the face, “You were wrong! You said you could stop it! This ain’t LAX and we are right back where we started, except Juliet is dead!” Way to pour salt in the wound Sawyer…

Whoosh and we are back on the plane. Sawyer is here and he strolls by a hand-cuffed Kate Austen. Sawyer gives her a look like he knows her and they are in cahoots…muy interesante. We see Doc Artz (who literally blew up in Season I) talking to the owner of Mr. Clucks, Hugo Reyes. Also, interesting to note that Hurley says nothing bad ever happens to him and he’s the luckiest guy alive.

Whoosh back to the hatch scene and Kate hears Juliet. They start to remove the metal debris. Hurley is back at the Dharma bus getting Sayid’s blood all over him, “Oh god…this is so gross.” Jacob shows up, “Hurley, you got a minute?”

Back on the Oceanic Flight and now we see Boone alive and well talking to John Locke about his Walkabout in Australia. I am beginning to think that some sort of alternate time line has been created...or perhaps we are getting a glimpse of the ENDING of the series...we may literally be seeing the end of Season 6.

“If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." Remember this for future episodes....just sayin.

Whoosh to 2007, and Hurley is talking to a dead Jacob. My buddy Charlie cries out that Jacob is now like Obi-Wan Kenobi and Hurley is like Luke Skywalker. Jin won’t be able to see Jacob because he died about an hour ago. He explains that an old friend killed him who was tired of his company, and that if Hurley wants to save Sayid, he needs to bring him to the temple (and don’t forget the guitar case). Back at the Hatch and Sawyer gets in far enough to find a bloody mess that kinda looks like Juliet. She reminds me of the way little Carolann looked after she returned from ‘the light’ in Poltergeist. “It didn’t work, we are still on the island, I hit the bomb and we are still here!” Sawyer didn’t realize that Juliet hit the bomb until that moment.

WHOOSH and we are back on the plane. Cindy the stewardess needs a doctor. Turns out our buddy from Drive Shaft is not breathing in the cabin bathroom. Sayid comes back to help and kicks in the door (bad-ass Sayid style). Jack attempts CPR, but finds a bag of heroine blocking his airway. Jack fixes the situation, saves Charlie’s life, and Charlie is pissed because, "I was supposed to die!"

We transition to Jacob’s home at the base of the Tawere statue on the beach. Team Jordin Sparks lead by Bram enter the base of Jacob’s sanctuary with Ben and lots of firepower. They come face to face with Essau (as we shall refer to him) who has taken on the form of John Locke. Essau refers to Bram and his boys as “Jacob’s body guards”. One of them fires their rifle at Essau and he disappears. Within moments SMOKEY shows up and bangs the ‘extras’ around like little rag dolls. Bram grabs a sack of gray powder and encircles himself. He’s safe until he comes out of the circle (and is quickly disposed of). KEY LINE – “I’m sorry you had to see me like that!” Sooo Essau is Smokey who is the security line of defense for the island.

Whoosh to the other side of the island (in 2007 I am guessing) and Sawyer is having his final moment with Juliet. She finally dies and we all share a moment of silence. Sawyer comes out of the drill boring, “You did this!” as he looks in Jack’s direction. To be accurate Sawyer, Jack didn’t do this, the extremely strong magnetism of the area sucked Juliet down the drill boring. If anyone should be at fault, it should be Radzinsky.

Whoosh back to the airplane. Matt Parkman is reprising his role as the pilot and he announces their approach into Los Angeles. As the plane lands and they are all safe, I don’t recall ever seeing Claire, Michael, Walt, Ana Lucia, Libby, or even Nicki and Paulo? END OF Episode 1 Part 1...Oceanic Flight 815 has safely landed in Los Angeles = weaksauce in my book.

Part II – Hurley is off to the temple with Kate, Jack and Jin to try and save Sayid. Miles hangs back with Sawyer to play ghost whisperer with Juliet’s fresh grave. Miles starts to quiver and shake…and Sawyer has officially gone loco. “It worked…she said that it worked!” (ok – I am guessing she is referring to the alternate time line that has been going on so far).

Hurley and the gang get to the temple only to be Sayid-jacked by a bunch of other others. They are brought to the attention of an Asian Captain Jack Sparrow. Cindy the former Oceanic Flight 815 stewardess says, “They were on the FIRST plane, Oceanic Flight 815 with me.” (Hmmm the FIRST plane huh…thanks Cindy). Asian Captain Jack (as I will refer to him) wants them killed, but Hurley mentions that they were sent by Jacob. The guitar case houses an Egyptian Cross that represents life. Inside the cross, the names of all of the Losties are written down on a famous “Jacob list”.

They bring Sayid into the temple and a ‘fountain of life’ awaits him. Asian Captain Jack slices his hand just like Alan from the Hangover when he tried to recruit more wolves for his pack….could it be? Instead of becoming blood brothers with Sayid, Asian Captain Jack looks for his own hand to heal and then they place the lifeless body of Sayid face down in the water. Like the sands of time drop in an hour glass so do the days of our lives, and the others finally bring Sayid’s body to the surface. “Your friend is dead!” Jack tries CPR anyway.

Throughout this episode there have been a few flashes to the LAX airport where Kate, again, beats the living piss out of the Federal Marshall, interacts with Sawyer in an elevator (I guess they don’t know each other), attempts to steal a cab from Frogurt, and finally jumps into a cab with Claire!

Whoosh - Back at the Temple and Hurley informs Asian Captain Jack that Jacob is dead. The others go into GI Joe mode and transform the temple into a barricade to keep Essau out. They send out a flare to warn Richard’s group on the beach.

Back at the beach with Richard’s group and Essau explains to Ben that the last thought in John Locke’s mind was “I don’t understand’. Essau confirms that John is and ever will be a weak, pathetic, broken man…whom despite all this is the only one out of the survivors from 815 that wanted to stay. The ironic part of this is that Essau wants the one thing that the actual John Locke didn’t, “I want to go home!”

Back to the airport and Oceanic has lost Christian Shepard’s coffin and has also lost Locke’s bag o knives. Jack chats it up and offers to give John a free consultation regarding back surgery. “Nothing is irreversible”.

Back to the beach in 2007, Essau emerges from the sanctuary and Richard looks scared to death. “It’s good to see you out of those chains!” “YOU!” Essau knocks out Richard and marches into the jungle, only to say that he is very disappointed in ‘all of you’. (I am guessing that Richard was on the Black Rock British Trading Ship as a Slave or Laborer).

Finally back to the Temple and Jack has been asked by Asian Captain Jack to have a private conversation. Jack does not go quietly. We hear a ruckus and HOLY CRAP SAYID’S ALIVE!!!

BOOM _ END CREDITS!

What did you think of the final premiere EVER?

By the end of the episode, the room where we watched the premiere was a cascade of blank stares.
Andre was still confused on why there were 2 John Locke’s,
Rebecca was researching the symbol in the guitar case,
Angela was annoyed that the Asian leader wouldn't just speak english,
Charlie was so overwhelmed that at one point he thought the 1977 Dharma Losties had caught up to the 2007 Others (with Sun and Frank Lapidas) but they were exactly one hour behind them in time?! Huh?
And I still couldn’t get over how the HELL the island was 200 feet underwater?

Was there anything else we learned that I may have missed?

Until next week, Namaste and Good Luck!

-Slice